being pregnant

I AM NOT.
Just thought I would get that out of the way real quick.

I just want to talk about being pregnant. With Milo getting older and older and me freaking out about it on a daily basis, I find myself reminiscing A LOT about being pregnant and having an infant. Originally I didn't think I would miss being pregnant, and at first I didn't. I loved having my baby in my arms; feeling him breath, seeing his eyes and watching his hands and feet move. I was no longer in constant pain and discomfort (once I had slightly recovered from the C-section that is). And most importantly I had my baby. His face, his body, his little spirit all filled me with overwhelming joy. They still do. Every single day there is a moment where I am almost overcome, to the point of tears, by the almost physical love I have for my son. Really, to tears. Is this normal? I hope so. I hope every person gets to feel the same thing for their children.

When I was working at Parks last week, there was a girl there who is my age, and she is pregnant. Due around the same time that I was due with Milo last year. Every time I came near her I wanted to reach out and touch her belly, but I refrained. I know that really bothers some people. But when I was pregnant, I did not care who touched my stomach. Not that I wanted random complete strangers stroking me, but I genuinely didn't mind people wanting to touch my awesome pregnant belly. I actually loved it.

I can't wait to feel that again. Finally I have reached a point in my life where I miss being pregnant. Immediately following the C-section with Milo I was horribly traumatized. I never wanted to be pregnant, or have to deal with this pain again. I hated having to wait over four hours after he was born to even seem him or touch him. I hated that I couldn't cough or laugh or move without searing pain tearing through my abdomen. I hated not being able to get out of bed and help my husband change our infant sons first diaper. I hated that once we were home I couldn't lift my son without help for weeks. 

But I loved having my baby. I loved that little boy. I wanted him close to me, I wanted him in my arms, I wanted to hold him all day and all night long.

I want more kids. I wish that I hadn't had to have a C-section, because if I hadn't then I would want to be pregnant right now with another one of these wonderful babies. But even if I have to have a horrendous C-section with every single baby, it would be worth it. It would be worth being cut open and dealing with weeks, and months, of recovery if it meant having another baby. Being pregnant is fantastic. There are so many discomforts, and pains, and people being up in your business (which is pretty awkward to be honest) but then you feel that baby kick for the first time, and your heart leaps for joy. Sometimes there is a foot in your rib and a head in your bladder, but you know that it's YOUR babies head and YOUR babies foot. And after nine months you have a tiny beautiful baby.

Being pregnant is amazing. Having a child is even better. Some day I will be pregnant again, and if you want, I will let you touch my belly as much as your heart desires. Look forward to it. I know I am.