Time

Do you ever feel the need to just take a step backwards and take another look at things? Take another look at where you are in your life, another look at where you thought you would be at this point in your life. Are you where you thought you would be?

I'm really really not.

I didn't think I would even be married yet, let alone expecting a child. I've decided that God must have a great sense of humor. He loves it when we make plans, because then he gets to put His plans into action, and for some reason I'm still surprised when my plans don't work out how I wanted them to. He knows what's best for us, its just hard sometimes to remember that.
Obviously God meant for me to be having my baby boy right now. Even if it doesn't make sense to me, He knows what's going on.

I feel like if I could just take a step back, take a deep breath, take a good look at my life, and then jump back into it, then I could jump in with a better perspective. But I feel like there's never time. There is no time to stop life and step back for a moment. I can't take back an argument I had with my husband. I can't go back to the decisions I've made, good or bad, and make a different one. I can't stop time and come to grips with the fact that I'm over halfway through my pregnancy. Less than 18 weeks.

I think eventually I just have to throw myself into what my life has become, whether I expected any of it or not. I either have to jump into the flow of it, or get stranded in the mud on the side. But when I really think about it, I would rather be raging down the river and experiencing new and exciting things than be stuck on the side wondering where I am and what's going to happen. If I had more time to think about things there would be no reason for faith.

I'm happy about my baby. I'm excited he's coming. I just hope I can handle the pace of things rushing where I didn't expect.

But I guess there would be no fun in life if we new what was going to happen. It's the surprises that make life fun. The unexpected.